Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – What is sauce for the goose may be sauce
Thanksgiving Day

2019 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes For A Smile, Letter Board, Friends, And Family

  1. Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. – Johnny Carson
  2. The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ But we do that every day Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us? Jim Gaffigan
  3. If there’s a better way of showing thanks than eating a large bird followed by pie, I’d like to see it. Jake Vig
  4. “What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey or the guinea hen.” Alice B. Toklas
  5. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself. Mitch Hedberg
  6. Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped. Just Bill
  7. It’s not Thanksgiving until your backyard game of touch football ends with Grandma being put into concussion protocol. Zack
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – How to cut a turkey the Republican way
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – How to cut a turkey the Republican way
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – If there’s a better way of showing thanks
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – If there’s a better way of showing thanks
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – If you stand in the meat section at the grocery
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – If you stand in the meat section at the grocery
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – It’s not Thanksgiving until your backyard
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – It’s not Thanksgiving until your backyard
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – Thanksgiving is an emotional time
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – Thanksgiving is an emotional time
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – What is sauce for the goose may be sauce
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes – What is sauce for the goose may be sauce
  1. I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. Craig Ferguson
  2. How to cut a turkey the Republican way: give 1% of your guests 99% of the meat. Andy Borowitz
  3. Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line. John Lyon
  4. “I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself. ” Mitch Hedberg
  5. It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. Phyllis Diller
  6. It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. Russell Baker    
  7. I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family. Damien Fahey 
  8. Serious Thanksgiving question: when a family member’s telling a tragic story and everyone’s crying, how long should I wait before taking a bite of my pie? beth likes pie
  9. Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. Melanie White  
  10. “I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.” Ellen Orleans
  11. Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. Melanie White
  12. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. Jon Stewart 
  13. Having Thanksgiving with the in-laws and apparently, we’re all very thankful for our smartphones.
    HammBone   
  14. I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that. Howie Mandel
  15. When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was a cat! David Letterman
  16. Thank God I can start calling this my “holiday weight”. Just Bill 
  17. “It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful ‘in general.’ It’s very strange. It’s a little like being married in general.” Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

See more: When Is Thanksgiving This Year? 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022 And 2023

See more: Happy Thanksgiving 2019 Wishes For Everyone

See more: (2019) Happy Thanksgiving Quotes For Friends And Family

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