Thu. Aug 22nd, 2019

(2020) Fathers Day Funny Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Sayings And Greetings

5 min read
Fathers Day Funny Quotes - Having children is like living in a frat house

Fathers Day Funny Quotes - Having children is like living in a frat house

Fathers Day Funny Quotes

  1. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - Having children is like living in a frat house
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – Having children is like living in a frat house
  2. When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, Daddy, will you take me to the zoo? He answered, If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

    Jerry Lewis

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - When I was a kid, I said to my father
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – When I was a kid, I said to my father
  3. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - By the time a man realizes that maybe
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – By the time a man realizes that maybe
  4. I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

    Rita Rudner

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - I gave my father $100 and said
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – I gave my father $100 and said
  5. “I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.” – George W. Bush

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins
  6. My daughter got me a World’s Best Dad mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.

    Bob Odenkirk

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - My daughter got me a World’s Best
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – My daughter got me a World’s Best
  7. “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” – Jim Gaffigan

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - There should be a children’s song
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – There should be a children’s song
  8. Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

    David Letterman

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination
  9. “I was cesarean born. You can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.” – Steven Wright

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - I was cesarean born. You can’t really
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – I was cesarean born. You can’t really
  10. The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

    Bertrand Russell

    Fathers Day Funny Quotes - The place of the father in the modern
    Fathers Day Funny Quotes – The place of the father in the modern
  11. “Dad… You were like a father to me.” – Ethan Tremblay (Due Date)
  12. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

    Rodney Dangerfield

  13. “My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!” – Bill Cosby
  14. To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.

    Ernest Hemingway

  15. “I hate this occasion because I can never find the right card because they’re all too nice. So, I usually end up getting the blank card with the tree on it — draw a little picture of myself hanging there.” – Margaret Smith
  16. He has always provided me a safe place to land and a hard place from which to launch.

    Chelsea Clinton

  17. “Dad, You’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.” – Homer Simpson
  18. My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

    Spike Milligan

  19. “Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.” – Homer Simpson
  20. Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

    Bill Cosby

  21. “I’m so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  22. Just once on Father’s Day, I wish my kids would give me a #1 Dad mug instead of one with my actual ranking.

    Andy Borowitz

  23. “I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.” – Eugene Mirman
  24. When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.

    Dave Attell

  25. “Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” – Chris Martin
  26. I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.

    George W. Bush

  27. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
  28. You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

    Jerry Seinfeld

  29. “Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Button
  30. There should be a children’s song: If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.

    Jim Gaffigan

  31. “As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. I’ve been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Father’s Day.” – Dan Cummins
  32. She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

    Groucho Marx

  33. “Children are a great comfort in your old age. And they help you reach it faster too.” – Lionel Kauffman
  34. For Father’s Day, we got my dad a t-shirt that says do not resuscitate. He wears it whenever mom takes him to the ballet.

    Greg Tamblyn

  35. “I’m not loving anybody that I’m not legally required to.” – Red Forman (That 70’s Show)
  36. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

    Jack Handey

  37. “People ask what it’s like to have four kids, and I just tell them ‘picture that you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.’” – Jim Gaffigan
  38. I just sit there and makeup songs and sing to [my son] in gibberish. I’m very good at gibberish now.

    Elton John.

  39. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” – Author Unknown
  40. I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.

    Will Arnett

  41. Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

    Jimmy Fallon

  42. I have mixed emotions when I receive my Fathers Day gifts. I’m glad my children remember me. I’m disappointed they think I dress like that.

    Mike Dugan

  43. Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

    Red Buttons

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